Switch
by georgiporgiepuddingandpie
Summary: Somehow Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective, & The Doctor, Mad Man with a Box, have ended up in each other's bodies. Can they ever find a way to reverse it before John goes mad babysitting the Doctor?
1. Chapter 1

"Ahaha, did I regenerate without realising?" He looked around him, properly noticing his surrounding and present company. "You…you're not River Song, and this, this is not the TARDIS. But I feel funny like I have a new body," he then proceeded to run his fingers through his hair and examine his hands, after prodding his face. "Definitely new body…I don't remember having such prominent cheekbones or curly hair. But still. Not. Ginger. Well this is new, never teleported and regenerated at the same time. Or changed clothes during regeneration for that matter. I expect River will be worried. You, yes you! Where and when am I, and do you have a phone I can borrow?" The Doctor finally paused for breath.

Dr John Watson had come to expect pretty much everything from Sherlock Holmes, especially on a danger night, but never had he taken on a different personality or spoken so little sense. John could only wonder if Sherlock had managed to smuggle drugs into the flat without him realising. "Sherlock what in God's name are you on about? Have you been using again? I swear if I find you have I'll ring Mycroft at whatever ungodly hour it is and see what he has to say about it. You know how much he worries about you; don't give me a reason to add to his worries." John didn't like to threaten Sherlock with his brother but sometimes Mycroft Holmes really was the only person that could get through to him.

The Doctor just stared at him blankly for a moment. "I see, this is one of the Dream Lord's tricks. This is a dream, and any minute now I'm going to wake up. And that moment is going to be now." He squeezed his eyes tightly shut for 5 seconds then slowly opened them again to see…that he was still in the presence of the slightly angry man that thinks his name is Sherlock. "Now." He repeated the process, still no change.

"Sherlock, what did you take? I need to know, I don't have a choice, and your brother will want to know." John was even more puzzled by this behaviour, his medical knowledge was telling him that there was no known drug out there that would cause this sort of an effect, so Sherlock must have obtained some new undiscovered narcotic to try. As he said this John was already pulling his phone out of his pocket, punching in Mycroft's number.

"Wait! You think I'm Sherlock but I'm not. Oh this is bad, very bad. I'm in Sherlock's body which means Sherlock is in mine. So your Sherlock is in my TARDIS without a clue how to stop her crashing and Amy can't fly her! Just let me think before you call this Mycroft person…." Sherlock's mobile went off in his pocket, the Doctor's pocket. After jumping slightly, not expecting a phone to start ringing in his pocket, the Doctor fished the phone out of his pocket. It was the TARDIS number, this Sherlock sure was a fast thinker.


	2. Chapter 2

MEANWHILE…

"Doctor, are you alright?" The voice came swimmingly towards him as he became aware that he was lying on the ground. He frowned, if he was in his flat with John why was the voice he could hear distinctly female and not Ms Hudson's, this was a younger woman than his landlady. Sherlock Holmes knew all this without opening his eyes, based on her voice alone, which also meant that he wasn't in the sitting room at 221B Baker Street, London anymore. For the first time in his life Sherlock Holmes was confused, and he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

"You, who are you and where are we? How did I come to be here when I was at 221B Baker Street just now?" he snapped, rising into a sitting position and opening his eyes, data already swarming his mind from his surroundings and what they suggested, as well as processing what it could mean that when he spoke it was with another man's voice. The woman's voice came from behind the console directly in front of Sherlock that was made of pumps and random pieces of the interior of a home. The woman with curly blonde hair stepped out from behind the console, flicking a switch as she passed it on her way around to where he was.

"Hello Sweetie. This is the TARDIS. It's an acronym, stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space. I'm River Song. And you are not the Doctor, despite being in his body, which means he's ended up wherever you just were. Who are you and where would the Doctor be?"

"The name's Sherlock Holmes. I was at 221B Baker Street, London before I blacked out and woke up here. One would assume that your Doctor would be there confusing John more so than he normally is…I should probably tell John before he alerts my brother to this strange predicament we find ourselves in." Sherlock tried to locate his phone; it should be in his jacket pocket, if he was wearing his own suit instead of this strange tweed affair with a bow tie. "Can I borrow your phone?" The woman frowned slightly before passing over her phone. Sherlock considered calling John's number before deciding that the best option really was to ring his own phone, provided this Doctor is familiar with mobile phones.


	3. Chapter 3

THE PHONE CONVERSATION

"Hello? River is that you?" Sherlock was disconcerted to have his own voice answering his call.

"Sherlock Holmes, I borrowed her phone. I assume you're up to speed on what's happened to us Doctor. Tell John not to panic, and under no circumstances is my brother to find out about this. Tell him not to finish dialling Mycroft's number," Sherlock could faintly hear the Doctor passing on his instructions as well as John's surprise at Sherlock knowing exactly what he would be doing, despite being so far away. "How are we going to sort this out?"

"Tell River Song exactly where you were and she'll bring you here in the TA…"

"In the TARDIS, I know. Time and Place?"

"Yes, you'll get here immediately for you, unless she takes you for a detour which is very unlikely to happen, but it might be weeks, months, even years for us before you get here. She can be a bit temperamental my TARDIS." Sherlock could hear the kettle boiling as the Doctor set about making a cup of strong tea for Dr Watson who was starting to feel the stress and shock of the situation and had collapsed into the armchair behind him.

"No sugar. John doesn't take sugar. Goodbye Doctor."

"Goodbye Sherlock Holmes."


	4. Chapter 4

ONE WEEK LATER

The Doctor had been in Sherlock Holmes' body for a week now and there was still no sign of the TARDIS. He was bored, totally and utterly bored. Dr Watson had remarked that in this way he didn't differ from Sherlock, he too had a habit of being easily bored apparently. "Would you perhaps like to go out for a bit, I need to get some more groceries?" John begrudgingly offered, hoping that if he did the Doctor might stop complaining about boredom and the 2 day old headache might fade. He was not however expecting the reaction.

"Thank you Dr Watson," and to back up his gratitude he clasped the former army doctor into a quick hug. "Dibs on pushing the trolley!" And just as suddenly as it had happened the Doctor had pulled away and was rushing to the door. Dr Watson wasn't certain how he should feel having just been hugged by Sherlock Holmes, well his body, which is pretty much the same thing but John forgot that it was the Doctor not Sherlock momentarily. Shaking his head at being in charge of another man-child, John Watson hurried to follow before he caused any trouble, John really didn't want to have to explain to Ms Hudson that this wasn't Sherlock, because Mycroft just quite easily find out from her and Sherlock had said that his brother mustn't know about this.


	5. Chapter 5

THE SUPERMARKET

John was having a very hard time stopping the Doctor from running up and down the aisles 'trolley-surfing' every time he turned his back to take an item off the shelves. He had just got Sherlock's nicotine patches off the shelf out of a force of habit and put them back again, only to turn around and find that the Doctor was halfway up the aisle free-wheeling the trolley. Sighing he ran to catch up and stop the trolley's momentum before it hit another shopper. "Tell you what, we'll go over what Sherlock did that evening that might have sparked this body switch of yours, but you have to be sensible and stay with me the entire way around the supermarket." He murmured so the other shoppers around couldn't hear and think they were crazy.

"Okay, but whatever it was, I'd have done it too for the switch to happen between us and not Sherlock and random person X. You give me a detailed commentary of anything Sherlock did that he doesn't normally do and see if I can remember doing it" This was quite possibly the calmest John had seen the Doctor since the switch, for an entire week now he had been bouncing like a small excitably child almost non-stop.

"Well Sherlock hardly ever eats but that evening he did, not that that would be important…" John didn't know why he'd started with that point; everybody ate so that was totally irrelevant to what they needed to work out. The Doctor however thought that it was worth talking more about.

"What did he eat? John, what did Sherlock eat?" The Doctor had stopped in the middle of the aisle, already knowing what the answer would be.

"Him being Sherlock it would be whatever he could find in the refrigerator, which as it happens was fish fingers and custard, but I had no idea they were in there, and who eats that anyway?"

"I eat fish fingers and custard John, now was he doing anything whilst he was eating them?"

"His microscope had broken so…"

"…so he was fixing it in between mouthfuls." The Doctor cut John off, finishing his sentence, starting to bounce slightly on the balls of his feet.

"But Doctor, that was a full 7 minutes before the switch took place, I don't see how…"

"Because my dear Watson, exactly 7 minutes prior to the switch I too was eating a bowl of fish fingers and custard, and in between mouthfuls I was fixing a faulty circuit in the TARDIS. Now I don't know about you but I would say that has to be the biggest coincidence going. You are a genius Dr Watson." And before John knew quite what was happening the Doctor had grabbed his face with both hands and planted a smacker on his lips. Of course the Doctor was still in Sherlock's body so John stood there absolutely dazed, still trying to process that Sherlock Holmes had just snogged him, regardless of the fact it was just the Doctor, to the shoppers around them it simply looked like _the_ Sherlock Holmes, the only Consulting Detective in the world, had just snogged Dr John H. Watson in the middle of the supermarket, and that was all John could think about. The Doctor had started to walk back down the aisle before noticing that John wasn't following. "Come along Pond...I mean come along Watson! Come along John. That works! Come along John! No? Snap out of it it John!" The doctor slapped John gently to rouse him from his trance. "Come along John, we have to finish the shopping!"


	6. Chapter 6

LATER THAT EVENING

Vworp. Vworp. VWORP.

"It's about time! And River left the brakes on especially for me as well!" The Doctor jumped out of the armchair as the TARDIS materialised in the middle of the front room. John too had jumped out of his seat, but for entirely different reasons. First, he had not been expecting the noise, and secondly to go downstairs to reassure Ms Hudson that the noise was nothing to worry about. As he left the room, River and Sherlock in the Doctor's body stepped out of the tiny little blue Police Public Call Box that was supposedly the Doctor's TARDIS.

"Hello Sweetie, how long did it take for you?" He might not look like her Doctor on the outside but River nonetheless gave him a quick peck. Sherlock at this point really did not know quite where to look, finding the notion of this woman kissing him, even if it is just his body with her partner inside, uncomfortable and he retreated to his mind palace to avoid the feelings that were threatening to set in. It also allowed him a possibility to think about how to rectify this dilemma.

"A week. I've been stuck here for an entire week and it was boring."

"John wouldn't let you leave the flat?" Sherlock rejoined the conversation now he has safely detached himself from feeling again. "Now about sorting this out, we need to know how it happened in the first place…"

"John helped me to understand that one. Exactly seven minutes before the switch took place we were both making repairs to circuits: the TARDIS and your microscope. Now these repairs were carried out between mouthfuls of fish fingers and custard. There was your common link."

"You actually ate fish fingers and custard Sherlock?" River asked, slightly incredulous that anyone would actually do this without the Doctor's prior encouragement.

"It was all I could find to eat. So to change back we just have to repeat that?"

"I don't see why not." Sherlock didn't know it but the Doctor had persuaded John to buy more fish fingers and custard in the shopping so they could reverse the switch. The Doctor bustled about the kitchen to get together the meal and was soon back with a big bowl of custard which he set down on the table between them and a tray of fish fingers straight out of the oven. Also on the table were 2 circuit boards which were faulty and needed repairing so as to completely replicate the actions of seven days ago. The two men sat at the table and began.


	7. Chapter 7

SEVEN MINUTES LATER

"3…2…1..." John counted down the seconds until the switch on his watch. "They should have blacked out…Sherlock!" as he said this both the Doctor and Sherlock slumped in their dining chairs as they switched back into their own bodies. John started to gently shake Sherlock awake as River did the same to the Doctor. Both men woke in unison.

"It worked, I'm me again." Both Sherlock and the Doctor said this when they saw that it had indeed worked and everything was back to normal. River and John simultaneously released a breath they didn't even know they were holding.

After a round of tea and biscuits, because after all it would have been rude to refuse the hospitality at 221B Baker Street, the Doctor and River were ready to leave.

"Will we ever see you again?" John asked as they were stepping back into the queer little box of theirs.

"Spoilers Sweetie, you'll just have to wait and see." River winked at him just as she closed the TARDIS door after her and the TARDIS dematerialised, once more leaving the sitting room at 221B Baker Street to its usual Sherlock Holmes-induced organised mess.


	8. Chapter 8

THE NEXT MORNING

Sherlock was sat at the table when John came down the next morning reading the newspaper. After getting himself a cup of coffee and some slices of buttered toast, John joined him at the table. As he sat down opposite him, Sherlock folded up the newspaper, finished reading it for the time being

"Anything of interest today?" he asked sleepily as he took a sip of the coffee. Sherlock wordlessly handed John the folded up newspaper with a tiny almost unnoticeably smirk. John briefly looked at the front page and spat out his mouthful of coffee.

"Something you'd like to tell me John about the week I wasn't here?" Sherlock's smirk grew a tad and he raised his eyebrow.

"That's completely out of context…we'd just worked out about the switch trigger…he kissed me…it really did mean nothing…I'm not gay!" John spluttered, his face getting redder and redder.

"Calm down John, I never said it did, although you might want to ignore your phone for today." Sherlock mused, just as John's phone bleeped. "DI Lestrade's just seen the paper as well then." He observed, followed by his own phone beeping. "And that would be my dear brother. My, what a fun day this is going to be, don't you think John?" Sherlock wouldn't help but laugh a little bit at the sight of his friend and flatmate's face at this.


End file.
